Mr. Chicken, I'm sorry I molested you with lemons

Until a few days ago, I had never cooked a whole chicken. Economical and relatively painless (ahem, for the one cooking the bird, that is), roasting your own whole chicken makes a lot of sense - and cents. Plus, it gave me an excuse to turn leftovers into The Best Caesar Salad Ever (recipe to come) the next day.

I used Ina Garten's Lemon Chicken with Croutons recipe from my oft-used cookbook, "Barefoot in Paris." It was simple and delicious. The idea is that you roast a 4- to 5-pound chicken with lemons on a bed of sliced onions, which creates this fantastic juice that you pour over homemade croutons. By the way, I find homemade croutons to be an interesting, unusual side for thinner sauces, as opposed to doing the same ole' thing with mashed potatoes and gravy.

But y'all, as delicious as this recipe was... for a moment, let's consider that poor, poor chicken. My first instructions in the recipe were to "clean out the chicken." Wow, was THAT disgusting! First, my chicken was still slightly frozen inside his, um, keister, so aside from my fingers becoming completely numb, I wasn't really sure what I was pulling out. I found myself laughing in the kitchen at what I was doing (I'm such a sick jerk, right?) to keep from yakking in the sink.

Allegedly, all of these funky chicken parts should come in a neat little bag for easy removal. Mine did not. Upon further research, here is what you could possibly pull out of a chicken: Giblets (used for gravy, but I find them disgusting and metallic-tasting), the kidney, heart and a flap of fat. You feelin' my disgust now? Uh huh.

But on to the recipe. This recipe is almost exactly Ina Garten's recipe, as it's an easy one for someone who's never roasted a chicken before, except I don't know how she fit two quartered lemons in that chicken's cavity. With lots of struggle, I could only fit one. I put the other four lemon pieces in with the onions. Ina, mazel tov; you have a better talent for molesting chickens than I do. Bon appetit.

Lemon Chicken with Croutons

Ingredients:
- 1 (4- to 5- pound) roasting chicken
- 1 large yellow onion, sliced
- Olive oil
- Salt
- Pepper
- 2 lemons, quartered
- 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
- 6 cups (3/4-inch) bread cubes from one French baguette

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

Take the giblets out of the chicken and wash it inside and out. Remove any excess fat and leftover pinfeathers. Toss the onion with a little olive oil in a small roasting pan (I used my fantastic Le Creuset Dutch oven... because I got it for Christmas and wanted to use it.) Place the chicken on top and sprinkle the inside of the cavity with salt and pepper. Place the lemons inside the chicken. Pat the outside of the chicken dry with paper towels, brush it with the melted butter, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Tie the legs together with kitchen string (I didn't, and it was fine), and tuck the wing tips under the body of the chicken. (That part is important so the wing tips don't burn.)

Roast for 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours, or until the juices run clear when you cut between the leg and the thigh. Cover with foil and allow to sit at room temperature for 15 minutes. (The onions may burn, but the flavor is good.)

Meanwhile, heat a large saute' pan with 2 tablespoons olive oil until very hot. Lower the heat to medium low and saute' the bread cubes, tossing frequently, until nicely browned, 8 to 10 minutes. Add more olive oil as needed and sprinkle with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Place the croutons on a serving platter. Slice the chicken and place it, plus all of the pan juices, over the croutons. Sprinkle with salt and serve warm.